Here’s a fail safe receipe for that seasonal favourite Vodka & Red Bull Christmas Cake

The following ingredients will be required:

1 cup water
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of butter
1 tsp salt

Lemon Juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle of Vodka
1 can of Red Bull
2 cups dried fruit

To ensure perfect results, follow the method to the letter and without deviation:

• Sample the vodka to check the quality
• Take a large bowl, check the vodka again
• To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and mix with a little red bull and drink
• Repeat
• Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl
• Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again
• At this point it is best to make sure the vodka is still OK
• Flavour with red bull to taste
• Try another cup. Just in case turn off the mixer
• Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit
• Pick fruit off floor
• Mix on the turner
• If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver
• Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticity, flavour with a little Bed Rull
• Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or something … who giveshz a sh*t
• Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder
• Pick up the can, mop the floor
• Check the vodka
• Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts
• Add one table
• Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find
• Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over …
• Don’t forget to beat off the turner
• Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the dog
• Fall into bed!

CHERRY MISTMAS!!

Having considerable time on my hands owing to a hefty downfall in my workload, I’ve finally found the time to write something about daytime television. The first thing I must point out is that I’m no advocate of the facility but in order to be even slightly constructive. I’ve had to force myself to dip into the schedules and what a nightmare it has been. Thankfully the day starts off quite well with BBC Breakfast, a programme that manages to strike a fair balance between serious news coverage and the world of entertainment. Contrast this with the abysmal Daybreak on ITV which lacks any gravitas and currently is presented by two people who combined have the charisma of a dead wasp. In fact, the male presenter looks rather like a dead wasp! Still, I digress.

Immediately following Breakfast, the BBC offers a variety of programming in the slot up to 10am. At the time of writing, viewers are being informed about consumer issues in Rip Off Britain, a programme that has previously occupied an early evening slot. I suspect that there are not that many people who are unaware that we live in a rip off society, so it rather begs the question as to what benefits this programme has to offer.

As the day progresses, both BBC One and BBC Two between them effectively focus our minds on buying and selling homes or making money from discarded possessions. We can put our Homes Under the Hammer, choose whether To Buy Or Not To Buy, and even Escape To The Country. Having then decided that any relocation would be a logistical nightmare, and opting to stay put, we are encouraged to rummage for Cash In the Attic and convert Trash To Cash. Many of the homes featured are in the upper price bracket, yet it is highly probable that the audience demographic falls into a much lower category. Maybe that’s where the complementary programmes come into their own … a short-term means of survival by disposing of low value assets!

At least these programmes have some educational value! Compare them with the dross over on ITV during the day. There’s some bloke called Jeremy Kyle who manages to find the low life in society who are happy to air their dirty linen in public, or at least via the medium of national television. Just where do these people come from? One has to wonder whether or not some of the scenarios are staged simply for dramatic effect and to woo the audiences. Following this daily slanging match, we are loosely entertained by the insipid This Morning, a programme that lost all credibility after the departure of Richard and Judy. Talk about milking a dead cow!!

Just when I thought that things couldn’t get any worse, four Loose Women pop up. I fail to see the point of this trash other than as an outlet for the presenters to impart their highly inflated egotistical opinions upon bewildered viewers. Their guests struggled to get a word in edgeways, though this is hardly surprising given that the women include Janet Street-Porter, Denise Welch and Jenny Éclair. After a break for lunchtime news, BBC One offers a daily dose of Doctors, set in a fictional suburb of Birmingham. In fairness to this programme, it really deserves a better timeslot and would be best suited in the early evening prior to the news at 6pm.

In the afternoon, ITV hits back at the BBC with May The Best House Win whereby homeowners rate one another’s properties. This offered absolutely no staying power given that it would only be of the slightest interest to people in the immediate locality, so I was next serenaded by the over-powering and blinding David Dickinson trying to give me a Real Deal on things I’d sold earlier in the day when rummaging in my attic! As if that wasn’t enough, BBC Two encourages me to Flog It! in the late afternoon after I’d previously turned trash to cash.

So what alternative offerings do the main channels offer their daytime audience? Basically a plethora of quiz shows! Currently BBC Two shows Weakest Link, a programme that is now way past its sell-by date. It never ceases to amaze me what stupid answers some of the contestants give to the simplest of questions. Over on Channel 4 Countdown continues to reign supreme. Somehow this programme manages to stay fresh as the challenge to find words and numbers is different in every round. This was also the very first programme to be broadcast by the channel on its launch day in November 1982. Following this short period of brain-stimulation comes Deal Or No Deal, a show that almost renders me speechless. At best, this is a programme of simple luck, yet it has been promoted to a game of great skill and power of mind. I find it hilarious that contestants admit to any form of game plan, and actually enjoy seeing some of them humiliated because of greed in turning down what many would consider worthy sums of money. Finally, to round of the daytime schedule, BBC One now offers us Pointless and never has a programme been so aptly named!

I’ve just realised I’ve failed to mention Channel 5! Does anyone actually watch this channel? They appear to offer a bland mix of so-called discussion shows in the mornings followed by an hourly dose of Australian soaps, which even native Australians rarely watch.

I am not suggesting that daytime television shouldn’t exist but do feel that the programme content could be far more varied and the time slots used to show archive programming such as award-winning dramas and documentaries. Of course, in this technological age, the television is only one means of watching programmes, and with the advent of so many channels, quality standards were bound to suffer. Still, it is a sad indictment on the part of broadcasting executives that they think the only people watching during the day are of limited intelligence and would not have the ability to absorb more mentally stimulating programmes.

Having sacrificed time and energy to absorb the dross that comprises daytime tv scheduling, I can happily say that I will not be tuning in on a regular basis, much preferring to read a good book or listen to music.

The video suggests that bullying takes place in the University of Newcastle NSW despite denials to the contrary. Bullying in any form must be outlawed and people allowed to live their own lives. The video is reproduced below to endorse my hatred of this outrageous activity.

Bullying can take so many forms and is not simply physical. In fact, psychological bullying is probably far harder to deal with. I would be the first to admit that as a young child, I was quite timid and introverted, and these traits were quickly seized upon by others with far fewer scruples. From memory, my first experience of any form of bullying was as a nine year old boy chorister. Now a church is probably the last place one would expect bullying to be present, but as anyone familiar with choirs will be aware, they comprise people of all ages and backgrounds, many of which could hardly be described as Christian. This is somewhat ironic but many youngsters simply join choirs because of parental pressure rather than actually wanting to be a part of the church community.

So what form did this bullying take? In simple terms, I would arrive at the vestry to find that my casssock and surplus had either been purloined by someone else or simply hidden, thereby causing me emotional grief. With a service imminent, there were occasions when I simply had to miss my attendance because I was unable to robe in time for the start. This had further implications because only those with good attendance records were asked to attend wedding ceremonies which paid quite well at the time.

This was only my introduction to bullying which really manifested itself during my years at grammar school. I was one of a few pupils who started the school without knowing anyone, having received my primary education outside the town. Almost from the start, I became a sitting target … again because of my general introversion. As a first year pupil, I looked upon those in the sixth form with awe and a certain degree of fear, especially as they seemed to carry so much authority. On one memorable occasion, the entire class was banned from the classroom during breaks. Unfortunately I had left something in the room and sought permission to return in order to retrieve it. A group of my peers saw this as an opportunity to belittle and humiliate me by preventing me from leaving the classroom. This was possible as the door opened outwards into a corridor.

Knowing that I was likely to be punished for contravening the occupancy ban, I started to bang on the door in the hope that those on the other side would disperse. Sadly this had no effect so I banged even harder and subsequently put my fist through a pain of glass. I was extremely fortunate not to have cut my hand or wrist, and in the commotion that followed, the bullies quickly disappeared. It was necessary to report the incident because of the broken glass, and this only added to my trials and tribulations as I was labelled a grass. This was to haunt me for several years.

During breaks, I would avoid mixing with most of my fellow pupils, clinging to one or two whom I tried to befriend. As I progressed through the school, I used to relate more to the younger pupils … in effect trying to protect them from some of the things I had experienced. The usual subtle forms of bullying continued with false rumours circulating, almost daily humiliation, and often being given the silent treatment. I have always been a tidy and organised individual and I would often return to my classroom desk to find that it had been ransacked. On other occasions, all my textbooks would be hidden. Whilst these actions may seem trivial in isolation, the combined effect caused me considerable distress resulting in illness and even more isolation. Like many teenagers, I secured a weekend job to provide me with some spending money and saved hard to buy myself a new bicycle as my parents could not afford to do so. This was my pride and joy and after a period of using public transport to get to and from school, I began to cycle there. Needless to say, my bike didn’t go unnoticed by the bullies. On one afternoon, a group waited for me at the bicycle sheds and as I approached, they deliberately rocked my bike whilst it was locked in the wheel frame. The result was a heavily buckled wheel and forks meaning that I had to drag my bike home for a distance of nearly three miles and then incurred a hefty repair cost. By the time my sixth form education came to a close, the bullying had more or less ceased but I still carried the scars.

The ensuing years saw me grow in emotional strength so that I could more readily deal with the potential nastier sides of life. Like many, I’ve experienced some bullying in the work place but have generally been able to shrug it off. However, at the last company for which I worked, there was a complete change of senior management in my division. This happened following the departure of a managing director who bullied everyone in his sight. The new team was regarded as a breath of fresh air by almost everyone, not least because they were prepared to listen to the staff. Unfortunately, there was a single fly in the ointment. A person had transferred from the parent company, Argos, and it was apparent from the start that he was both incompetent and hostile. Some quick research and conversations with staff at Argos soon ratified this. Suddenly, after over eleven years service, I was being told of rumours circulating the company that I was incompetent at my job, a troublemaker and treated my fellow workers with disrespect. I was dumbfounded to say the least, but then discovered that some colleagues were distancing themselves from me. I eventually traced the source of the unfounded allegations, it being this one new member of management. Even with the help of loyal colleagues who knew the rumours to be totally untrue, it took several months to clear my name and to finally get the bully to confess that he had no grounds on which to base his statements. It was simply because he had taken an instant dislke to me which is no reason for bully boy tactics.

This brings me back to the recent bullying I experienced on Twitter. One of my long term followers, whom I had mistakenly regarded as a friend, decided to criticise me on several occasions for some of the people I followed and effectively said that I shouldn’t be tweeting with them. It would have been a simple matter for this individual to block those persons from appearing in his stream but alas that was far too easy and a major disagreement ensued. Needless to say, this person no longer features in my life as I will not be bullied or controlled by anyone!

I’m sure many of you reading this will question how I could ever be described as introverted. All I can say is that my life experiences have made me a stronger and more resilient person although I still retain a high emotional side to my character. Many will probably say that I talk far too much … indeed I am known to be confined to Twitter jail on occasions for exceeding my hourly limit! That is simply because I love talking with people, communicating generally, and learning from people’s different cultural backgrounds. Maybe that now makes me something of an extrovert!

Most of my experiences happened many years ago at a time when bullying was effectively denied by all in authority. Nowadays it is finally acknowledged but sadly, this appears to have made very little difference. Bullying of any kind, whether that be in school, the workplace, or even on social media sites, is evil and in my opinion should be treated as a criminal offence.

I’m taking my ride with destiny
Willing to play my part
Living with painful memories
Loving with all my heart

Made in heaven, made in heaven
It was all meant to be, yeah
Made in heaven, made in heaven
That’s what they say
Can’t you see
That’s what everybody says to me
Can’t you see
Oh I know, I know, I know that it’s true
Yes it’s really meant to be
Deep in my heart

I’m having to learn to pay the price
They’re turning me upside down
Waiting for possibilities
Don’t see too many around

Made in heaven, yes, made in heaven
It’s for all to see
Made in heaven, made in heaven
That’s what everybody says everybody says to me
It was really meant to be
Oh can’t you see
Yeah, everybody, everybody says
Yes it was meant to be
Yeah, yeah

When stormy weather comes around
It was made in heaven
When sunny skies break through behind the clouds
I wish it could last forever, yeah, yeah
Wish it could last forever, forever

Made in heaven

I’m playing my role in history
Looking to find my goal
Taking in all this misery
But giving it all my soul

Made in heaven, made in heaven
It was all meant to be
Made in heaven, made in heaven
That’s what everybody says
Wait and see, it was really meant to be
So plain to see
Yeah, everybody, everybody, everybody tells me so
Yes it was plain to see, yes it was meant to be
Written in the stars…

“We are reaping what has been sown over the last three decades of creating a grotesquely unequal society with an ethos of grab as much as you can by any means. A society of looters created with MPs and their expenses, bankers and their bonuses, tax-evading corporations, hacking journalists, bribe-taking police officers, and now a group of alienated kids are seizing their chance” John McDonnell MP speaking on 9 August 2011.

This effectively sums up the situation with the moral decay of our society being as bad at the top of the social spectrum as the bottom. No decent person would condone the actions of the past week as the actions perpetrated by looters and arsonists was both criminal and despicable. They have shown total disrespect for authority and for the lives of the innocent people who have had their livelihoods either tarnished or ruined by their acts of destruction.

Parliament was recalled from its summer recess for an emergency debate on the crisis situation and almost unanimously MPs denounced the actions as being totally alien and unacceptable to society. Sadly, however, they were quick to criticise sections of society and third class neighbourhoods and suggest that these people were entirely to blame. Of course, there is an element of truth in that, as many offenders live in rundown communities and see little hope of a rewarding life ahead of them. Furthermore, it is highly likely that some of the looters come from fragmented family units, many without a father figure, a person who will more likely help instil discipline in the household.

Perhaps our MPs should be looking a little closer to home before castigating other members of society. Many of our politicians come from wealthy backgrounds and know little of the reality of living in today’s world. In the last couple of years, we have witnessed the expenses scandal which revealed that numerous privileged parliamentary members have screwed the country by falsifying claims. How can underprivileged people be expected to behave impeccably when our elitist government and opposition lie and cheat? These people are witnessing a culture of selfishness and greed surrounded by ever-falling moral standards.

Let’s take a look at the world around these looters and rioters. They are being told what to do by law breakers. Constant media advertising suggests that their lives are meaningless without the latest must-have gadget. They witness corruption in our police forces. Huge 4×4 vehicles driven by the vulgar rich threaten to mow them down if they don’t get out of their way. Footballers and A-list celebrities flaunt their wealth, most of it gained from their exploitation of ordinary men and women. Then there is the banking fiasco! In essence, the world before them says that success depends upon money and greed. What sort of morals are these to be influencing today’s society?

a symbol of despair

The actions of these rioters must be seen in perspective. They are a minority of society who have either chosen or been influenced through peer pressure to ignore the law and follow the example of short-term greed as promoted by successive elitist governments. It was encouraging to see so many more young people turning out to help clear up after the riots, compared with the numbers actually involved in the fracas. Sadly, not everyone can react in the same way, and society and government needs to address this problem.

Political correctness is now beyond a joke. Parents need to be allowed to use reasonable force to discipline their children. Schools need the cane as a meaningful deterrent to unruly and disrespectful behaviour. I grew up in an era where the cane was used quite regualrly. It did me no harm at all and made me a stronger and law-abiding individual. Furthermore, we need to see effective punishment handed out for crimes and to bring to an early end this nanny state syndrome which now pervades! Perhaps conscription or something similar should be reintroduced.

There are many theories being banded about as to what caused the riots in the first place. Some suggest it was the shooting of a man, believed to be armed, in Tottenham, and what started as a protest simply escalated across many towns and cities. Many of the looters were young teenagers so why weren’t they safely in the charge of their parents? Undoubtedly the ineffective police tactics deployed on the first two nights were a catalyst to subsequent disturbances.

This moral decline of what was once Great Britain has been in the making for over a quarter of a century. Capitalism and greed has been king with the social divide between rich and poor becoming ever wider. Of course people should be rewarded for their hard work and commitment but it should also be acknowledged that many people do not have the same advantages or lucky breaks through no fault of their own. A fairer distribution of wealth should be a priority of government, with an escalating taxation system rather than fixed cut-off points, and a realistic living minimum wage introduced. Depressed inner-city areas should be redevloped instead of green belt land being commisioned for building so that the heart of city communities can be re-established.

Britain isn’t yet broken but it’s moral fabric is certainly crumbling. Fortunately the vast number of people in our country are honest and decent human beings and live their lives in accordance with the law. Perhaps we should all unite and show our politicians, the Sloane Square chavs and the minority of misguided youth how to live a life based on morals rather than greed.

I woke up today, I was crying, lost in a lost world.
So many people are dying, lost in a lost world.
Some of them are living an illusion,
Bounded by the darkness of their minds.
In their eyes it’s nation against nation against nation,
With racial pride.
Sad hearts they hide
Thinking only of themselves,
They shun the light, they think they’re right,
Living in their empty shells.

Oh, can you see their world is crashing
Crashing down around their feet and angry people in the street,
Are telling them they’ve had their fill of politics that wound and kill
Grow, the seeds of evolution
Revolution never won it’s just another form of gun
To do again what they have done
With all our brothers, youngest sons.

Everywhere you go you’ll see them searching
Everywhere you turn you’ll feel the pain
Everyone is looking for the answer
Well look again.
Come on my friend, love will find them in the end
Come on my friend, we’ve got to bend
On our knees and say a prayer.

Oh, can you feel the world is pining
Pining for someone who really cares
Enough to share his love,
With all of us so we can be an ever loving family.
Oh, have you forgotten we’re all children
Children from a family tree that’s longer than a centipede
And started long ago when you and I
Were only love…

I woke up today, I was crying, lost in a lost world,
So many people are dying, lost in a lost world.
So many people, so many people, people lost in a lost world
So many people, so many people, people lost in a lost world

Video courtesy of YouTube

Featuring Fum, a black cat, and Gebra, a kind barn owl who have established a unique friendship!

On a day when I lacked any real motivation, my mind began to wander. After deciding not to pursue a planned trip, I thought about various jobs that need to be done around the house. Gradually I put these tasks behind me, mainly because they all required far more effort than I could muster. However, I am planning to sell some collectors toys from my youth on eBay and these I knew to be stored in a large box in the bottom of a wardrobe.

Having managed to extricate the box from surrounding clutter, I began to rummage through the contents as one does. My initial reaction to certain objects was ‘why on earth have I kept that?’ and it’s fair to say at this point that I did manage to throw out a few things. However, I digress…

Nokia 1995 and 2009!

One of the artifacts nestled in the bottom of the box was my first mobile phone made by Nokia. This certainly wasn’t one of the very early brick varieties but nevertheless is still far larger and chunkier than the average landline handset in use today. Prior to the advent of smartphones, the typical mobile handset reduced in size dramatically, thereby making this first phone look like something out of the ark! Of course, there was no such thing as GSM and digital networks, but the old analogue service did have some advantages. During the mid nineties, I made frequent day trips to northern France, and so long as one was in an elevated position, one could phone people in the UK on the normal tariff. There was none of this roaming nonsense of today whereby you automatically log on to a local foreign network and pay through the nose for the privilege!

But back to the box! There were pocket diaries going back over thirty years. Looking through names and addresses in them, it was surprising just how many people had crossed my path but are now but a distant memory or have simply faded into obscurity. It got me wondering what some of the people are doing with their lives. Are they in good health? Do they have families? Are they still alive? I soon started day dreaming about travelling back in time in a Tardis and then following their paths… sometimes it would just be nice to know these things!

loose change!

There was also a large bag containing old coins, notably our pre-decimalisation currency and the now defunct individual currencies of what has become the euro zone. Memories came flooding back of having to change currencies at every border post! Also at the bottom of this large box were some photographic slides which I’d completely forgotten about. Most old slides lie in purpose-made files but these stray slides were still in a projector slide magazine. Sadly they never get viewed nowadays as setting up the projector is a major operation, assuming of course, that it even still works! The digital age in which we now live makes everything so much easier and accessible, yet at the time, 35mm colour slides were seen as the forefront of photographic technology. A sad reminder that time doesn’t stand still but passes by at breakneck speed!

Finally la pièce de résistance… none other than my school reports. The least said about those, the better!

It is now two and a half years since I first joined Twitter. To be honest, I had never been a fan of social network sites as most appeared to be primarily aimed at the very young or those with seemingly too much time on their hands! It was therefore with some trepidation and cynicism that I set up my Twitter account and for the first year, I struggled to attract many interesting followers or indeed establish any lasting rapport.

This fact was mainly down to me as I only tweeted periodically and despite being generally computer savvy, I never fully grasped how Twitter worked. That can only be attributed to laziness on my part, but eventually I was lured by the #followfriday hashtag and decided to click on a few named recommendations. At this point, I was venturing into the unknown without any pre-conceived expectations but to my surprise and joy, a few people responded to my following with a welcoming ‘hello’.

From that point on, I began to attract more followers as they themselves were already following the people now following me. We all know that this is a mushroom effect, and eventually it levels off. For my part, Twitter is not a numbers game, as it’s the quality of the people who follow rather than the number which is sacrosanct to me. Whilst I soon built up a loyal band of followers, many of whom I tweeted with on an almost daily basis, I hadn’t realised the number of people who actually took an interest in what I posted. However, over seven months ago, I posted a casual tweet about my mum being involved in a serious road traffic accident, and I was overwhelmed with messages of goodwill and support.

Such a response immediately made me see Twitter in a new light. It wasn’t simply a means of passing general comment and humour, but a family of people who actually cared about others and were not afraid to show that. People whom I follow embrace all ages, backgrounds and diversity and it is that which makes Twitter so special. Those closest to me on Twitter will know that my life isn’t a bed of roses, and whilst I have no wish to burden others with my problems, there are some lovely people who are always there for me to chat and offer their love and support. No names shall be mentioned but if they’re reading this, they will know who they are… and it’s probably YOU!

When we come into this world, most of us are brought into an extended family. As we grow, we automatically become a part of that family but that does not necessarily mean that we enjoy their company. Furthermore many families become fragmented, either because of work or disharmony. People therefore choose friends to form their ideal family, but often these also fragment because of factors beyond their control. To me, good friendship is the most important thing in life and it disturbs me when so-called friends desert you in an hour of need. I have always strived to put friends first but in real life this has rarely been reciprocated.

And so back to Twitter! I firmly believe that I have a true family of friends here and it would be no understatement to say that Twitter has changed my life… for the good I hasten to add! I’ve already met several wonderful people as a result of this social networking phenomenen and I love you all more than you might imagine. My aim is to meet many more in the months ahead as Twitter… you rock!